A Second by Second Breakdown of Durant’s Admission

“The best in game dunker would probably be…”

The strangest, but also most compelling, NBA storyline at the moment is the “feud” between Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant.

The teammates-turned brothers-turned work friends-turned frenemies have been inescapably tied together since Durant’s departure (read: treachery) in highlights, press conferences, and those awesome shots where one is in the foreground and one is the background and neither are acknowledging each other yet we can cut the tension with a knife.

It’s a unique feud in that on the court they play different positions and hardly square off against each other, and off the court they also don’t take shots at each other? It’s hard to explain.

But to say there’s not a feud going on would be ignorant. The breadcrumbs are all there. Whether it be the infamous cupcakes or the text message, the “sting for who?” or the “that’s cute” or the “nah,” the photographer’s bib or the “work friends,” every single quote or interaction has been publicized and scrutinized like details of the O.J. trial.

Basically we all know what’s happening, but no one can prove it. We’re at the point where we’re drawing insane conclusions and picking at tiny details looking for a spark.

Like if I just made up that “one time Russ and KD got into an argument in the locker room over who was a better actor, Durant liked Cuba Gooding Jr. and Westbrook like Jamie Foxx and that’s why Russ wore the Willie Beamen jersey in to the latest Thunder-Warriors game,” wouldn’t you believe me? You’d definitely want to.

It all culminated in their latest matchup, when we got honest to goodness verbal joisting at midcourt. It’s a real feud folks.

Which is why we must analyze the latest piece of evidence, a six second video (people of a certain age used to call this a “vine”) in which Kevin Durant was asked on The Jump who the best in-game dunker in the NBA is. Here was his answer.

At first glance, this seems like a kind gesture. An olive branch? Think again. It’s time to break this thing down like the Zapruder film and go second by second.

Here’s my satirical look into what was going through Kevin Durant’s head, during these six seconds of awkward television gold.

00:00:00–00:01:00

Let’s take a minute to understand how these things come about. Celebrity X sits in front of a backdrop and is asked questions rapid-fire, mostly in an effort to appease the unceasing desire of the internet masses to know what celebrities opinions are on dumb topics. It’s great #content for social media. The whole concept is pretty stupid.

So this first second is pretty boring. Durant either reads a question off of a cue card or restates a question that was asked to him. As he states “Best in-game…” his face is stoic. This isn’t supposed to be a big deal.

Let’s just answer this question and get this over with.

00:01:00–00:02:00

As he finishes restating, you can tell he’s actually comprehending the question and thinking about possible answers in his head.

There’s a little eye flicker, did you catch that?

We’re not even a third of the way through this video, but he knows the answer. It’s obvious. Oh crap.

Is that panic creeping in? He’s in a situation where he can’t deflect, as he did when he got roasted by Hannibal Buress. Should he lie? No, that would be too obvious. He’s a man after all, as he’s been so quick to remind everyone. He’s not scared to talk about Russ. It’s all just “the media” making up some fake rivalry. He can do this!

He doesn’t want to do this.

He needs more time to consider his options.

00:02:00–00:03:00

He thinks about alternatives. Can he choose any teammates? Steph? No way. Klay? Nope. Draymond? No. Livingston? Not a chance…Iggy! No we’re several years too late on that. Well, that isn’t going to work.

Lebron is too old, Blake is injured, and he can’t give Kawhi that kind of edge come playoff time.

Awkwardness. Discomfort. He sits completely still. He can barely move his lips.

Then as the second ends, his head drops. The strong eye contact is gone. Is that defeat? He knows he has to go with Russ.

00:03:00–00:04:00

Another second of awkward silence. How could he phrase it?

He’s got to think of a way to make it seem like a compliment…but certainly without giving any ground in the macho-man stare-down these two have been participating in long distance for months.

If there’s ever been a better representation of literal “tongue in cheek” than this, I’m unaware of it.

The eyes remain pointed downward, but no longer in defeat but rather in mischievousness. Have I been staring at this for too long or does a tiny smile start to form at the corner of his lips?

The confidence is back. The plan has been formed.

00:04:00–00:05:00

Twenty more frames spent in silence.

If we’re to believe that the last second held literal tongue-in-cheek, then this second clearly reveals him biting his lip in nervousness.

The eye contact hasn’t returned, and he’s obviously still very uncomfortable.

I’d like to turn your attention to “learnbodylanguage.org” which listed several body language cues that people normally display when they are lying:

• “Lying people usually delay a few seconds longer when answering a question with an answer that is not truthful.”
• “Body and face become stiffer.”
• “Eye contact breaks away from you and eyes may squint or close.”

Well that’s interesting…

00:04:00–00:05:00

“Westbrook.”

He says it.

Not Russell, or Russ. Westbrook. I’m a huge Thunder fan, and I don’t remember ever hearing Durant call him “Westbrook.” It’s so formal, so forced.

Instead of letting the air out of the balloon, KD has doubled down on the tension by trying to formalize their relationship like he wasn’t close friends with the dude for almost a decade.

If your buddy worked in a cubicle right next to you for eight years, and you all worked together in close quarters, and then he moved out to another job far away, would you talk about him by his last name when someone asked you? No chance. Even if you secretly didn’t like the guy, you wouldn’t be so obvious.

But for now, the awkwardness is gone. He did it!

00:04:00–00:05:00

Based on the evidence we got earlier, this last part confirms for me that Durant wasn’t really genuine in his compliment.

It’s a well-known concept called “Duper’s Delight.” Put simply, you can often tell that someone is lying based on a smile or obvious pleasure on their face having just gotten away with a lie.

The nod. The grin.

Nice try, KD. But you’re not going to sneak back into our good graces so easily.